You might be a birder if…

I saw this post on Birdfreak and helped myself to a healthy dose of morning humor! I laughed so hard that I had to share it with all you guys!…And the sad part is that most of the things on the list ARE TRUE…..LOL 😀

You might be a birder if…

Someone yells “Duck!”, and you look up and shout “Where?”

Vacations are planned to maximize the number of life birds.

You criticize television programs and commercials that depict a bald eagle but play a red-tailed hawk call.

Your kids are named Buteo and Accipiter.

People stop and stare when you pish at the shrubbery at the local mall.

Lunch breaks find you driving to check out your favorite hot spot.

Your spouse says, “Its either me or the birds,” and you have to think about it.

On sunny days you hop in the car, crank up your tape of bird calls, and drive like crazy to the nearest mountain where the thermals are great for soaring hawks.

You pay a neighbor kid $20 to roll on a carcass and lay still while you search the sky for vultures.

You try to talk your kid into going to college in Belize so that you have an excuse to go and bird there.

Its a northeaster, the rain is horizontal, a small craft advisory has been issued, but it’s birdathon and you need to up the day’s list.

Clouds take on the shape of birds, and you can distinguish male from female, and adult from immature plumage.

A machine squeaks at work and you describe it to maintenance as sounding like a black-and-white warbler.

The first time you meet your future in-laws you demonstrate the courtship dance of the woodcock, replete with sound effects.

You spend fifteen minutes preparing dinner for your family, and thirty minutes mixing and placing seed for your birds.

You wake up your spouse at 5:30am and exclaim, “Is that a phoebe I’m hearing outside the window?”

Preparing for trips to visit out-of-state relatives involves contacting local birders, securing local bird lists, and buying the appropriate Lane’s Guide.

You identify calls of birds in the soundtracks of television shows and movies.

You’re willing to fight with anyone who criticizes your optics.

You participate in hours-long discussions about the pros and cons of using a certain field guide.

You lose friends, and perhaps even your spouse, from fighting over the pronunciation of “pileated.”

You might be a birder if your neck hurts except when you’re looking up.

You might be a birder if you’ve never seen a seagull.

You might be a birder if you think Canadian Goose must be a rock group.

You might be a birder if you spend a lot of time twitching.

You might be a birder if more than half your male friends have beards.

You might be a birder if you think Peterson is a book.

You might be a birder if you want to see just one more warbler before lunch.

You might be a birder if you have a permanent depression above the bridge of your nose from pressure against your eyeglasses.

You might be a birder if for you the “tele” is silent in telescope, despite what your dictionary says.

You might be a birder if you think LBJ doesn’t stand for Lyndon Baines Johnson.

You might be a birder if you understand why you need to see some warblers today even though you saw 31 different kinds of them yesterday.

You might be a birder if you tell your friends you saw 78 birds today even though you saw 600.

You might be a birder if you’ve had to explain to acquaintances, “No, I don’t have a retriever.”

You might be a birder if your spouse doesn’t understand why you must keep a yard list, a county list, a state list, a U.S. list, a lower-48 list, a Canada list, an ABA list (whatever that is), a world list, and an escrow list.

You might be a birder if you can make three different words by rearranging the letters I-P-H-S.

You might be a birder if you’re not a birdwatcher. (OOOHHHH YEAH!!!)

You might be a birder if there are days when getting up at 4:30 a.m. is something you’ve looked forward to.

You might be a birder if you’ve taken a leak behind a tree.

You might be a birder if you’re all the time wanting to stop the car, and your riders are saying “What are you stopping for?”

You might be a birder if you know what a Boney is.

You might be a birder if you can tell a parrot from a macaw.

You might be a birder if covert doesn’t mean undercover to you.

You might be a birder if you know the difference between ABBA, ABA, IOU, AOU, RTP, ABC, DEF, and XYZ.

You might be a birder if you can say to within 200 how many North American species of birds there are.

You might be a birder if you’ve ever seen a Butterbutt.

You might be a birder if you have sharp eyesight, acute hearing, physical endurance, a disregard for hot and cold, and extreme patience.

You might be a birder if you’d love to have a Q.

You might be a birder if you know where to go to find a Tamaulipas Crow.

You might be a birder if you know what Long-billed Curlew, Common Murre, Great Kiskadee, Plain Chachalaca, and Eastern Wood-Pewee have in common.

You might be a birder if you’ve ever heard of Long-billed Curlew, Common Murre, Great Kiskadee, Plain Chachalaca, or Eastern Wood- Pewee.

You might be a birder if your Email address contains the name of a bird.

You might be a birder if your children are named after birds…..(GUILTY!!!)

You might be a birder if watching movies you notice those Wood Thrushes singing in the middle of the night in Africa.

You might be a birder if you know birds named after Lewis and Clark.

You might be a birder if you have a fascination for boobies.

You might be a birder if you don’t have a fascination for boobies.

You might be a birder if you know all ducks don’t quack.

You might be a birder if you can name two ducks that quack.

You might be a birder if you think pelagics are cool.

You might be a birder if you know pelagics are cold.

You might be a birder if you know what a four-year gull is.

You might be a birder if you know the real name for shopping center pigeons.

You might be a birder if you know whether there are zero, one, twelve, thirty-six, and fifty-eight North American sparrows.

You might be a birder if you can can correctly name one North American sparrow.

You might be a birder if empids bug you.

You might be a birder if you can say exactly where you saw a dozens of lifebirds but don’t recall exactly where you first met your spouse.

You might be a birder if “nemesis bird” means something to you.

You might be a birder if you know what Phainopepla and Pyrrhuloxia have in common.

You might be a birder if you know within 10 the number of wood warblers in North America.

You might be a birder if you know what bird says “I am so la-zee.”

You might be a birder if you know the highlight color of most wood warblers.

You might be a birder if you know the name of the last Passenger Pigeon and what year it died.

You might be a very old birder if you saw the last Passenger Pigeon in the year it died.

You might be a birder if better hearing makes your “Top Five Wish List.”

You might be a birder if you grow weary of seeing Red-winged Blackbirds.

You might be a birder if “today’s trash bird” means something to you.

You might be a birder if you’re familiar with MODOs.

You might be a birder if you look forward to hard northern winters so you can get frostbitten while looking for northern owls.

You might be a birder if you can find Pt. Pelee, Pt. Reyes, and Cape May on a map in less than five seconds.

You might be a birder if you think a bird with a crossed bill isn’t necessarily a mutant freak.

You might be a birder if you understand “The bird is always right.”

You might be a birder if a CBC isn’t something you’d want to do in March.

You might be a birder if you’ve got better things to do than watch “the big game.”

You might be a birder if you’ve got better things to do than attend your birthday party.

You might be a birder if your spouse is a birder.

You might be a birder if your spouse is not a birder (but, of course, an interesting person nonetheless).

You might be a birder if you know what leaves, rocks, weeds, shadows, signs, paper, cow pies, snags, stumps, clumps, and chipmunks have in common.

You might be a birder if you’d fly across the country to see a gull–the right gull.

You might be a birder if you bought your three-year old binoculars for his birthday.

You might be a birder if you think kettle can be a verb.

You might be a birder if you’re happy with your exit pupil.

You might be a birder if you’ve been to the World Series but never saw a strikeout.

You might be a birder if you think Wandering Tattler is a real bird.

You know the early arrival date of every spring migrant in your area but can’t remember your anniversary.

You’ve added semipalmated and pileated to your spell checker.

You get pulled over for drunk driving at 9 am because you were watching a flock of kinglets.

You don’t blush when you say Bushtit.

Your friends have tennis elbow, you have warbler neck.

You care that there are more than one race of Canada Goose.

Your binoculars cost more than your car.

When you talk about the Big Day you don’t mean your wedding.

You visit your mother-in-law twice a year because she lives in Southeastern Arizona.

After a diversity training course at work you file a complaint because a painting in the hall lacks Blue Phase Snow Geese.

Dream vacation sites include garbage dumps and sewage ponds.

You go to a nude beach with a spotting scope and spend the entire time trying to identify alcids.

You don’t care about economic or tax issues, you want to know if a political candidate is a splitter or a lumper.

You threaten a boycott of Utah because their State Bird isn’t a real species.

Your child’s first word is pish.

You refer to lingerie as breeding plumage. (LOL)

You own every Bird Field Guide published, but the only one you ever use is your first edition Golden Guide.

You can accept that Wile E Coyote defys the law of gravity and survives being smashed by a 2 ton rock, but can’t get past the fact that the Roadrunner’s vocalization is incorrect.

You buy 8 kinds of suet but only one kind of breakfast cereal.

You have a life list, a county list, and a list of birds you’ve seen defecate.

You Know You’re a Birder If…

1. You travel to a foreign country and the only words you learned to speak are names of birds.

2. Your idea of a great vacation is to travel to Brownsville to spend a day at the dump.

3. You have ten big bird photos on your wall at work and one small photo of your spouse.

4. Your vacation of a lifetime is spent at a place called Attu.

5. You spend your time on a Caribbean cruise looking for pelagic birds.

6. You spend your anniversary checking the ice flows in Churchill for gulls.

7. When shopping for new clothes you check the pockets are big enough to hold a field guide…..(GUILTY!)

8. After finding a second Boreal Owl you refer to it as a trash bird.

9. The Rare Bird Hot Line is number one on your speed dial.

10. All the magazine subscriptions you receive have the word ‘bird’ on them.

11. Only a fellow birder can decipher the license plate on your car.

12. You know the difference between a pelagic and a passerine.

13. Your New Years resolution is to start a new millennium list.

14. When you talk about the World Series you’re not talking sports.

15. You own more optics than a college observatory.

16. You know how to pronounce Pyrrhuloxia and Phainopepla.

17. Your idea of an exotic dancer is a Japanese Crane.

18. When someone says there is more to life than birding, you question their sanity.

19. You only win Final Jeopardy when the category is birds.

20. These jokes make you smile.

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~ por Luis Daniel en junio 6, 2007.

Una respuesta to “You might be a birder if…”

  1. It’s great to share these around! To us birders, they are so funny! We are glad that you posted them here!

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